Mid Year

It's been a long time since I last blogged, basically because there's been so much on my plate right now and I'm not coping well ): STUDIESWell, the JC workload is like no other. Everything here is just a huge mind fuck. Self-study is of utmost importance here because if you don't revise when you go home, you will not catch up, and when all the work snowballs together, OH HO you can drown from it. Been stoning throughout lectures and sleeping during tutorials because I hate JC life. The workload is just crazy. Single pointer for O levels? So what? Still can't cope in JC, can I? but well, things will get better. I hope. Boyfriends are definitely not something I wanted in JC. because I simply have not enough time, and they're too big of a distraction to me. But when it comes to matters of the heart, well, when it comes, it comes. there's no stopping it. I'm thankful to have him in my life, but sometimes I question myself if accepting him and having a boyfriend in JC was a right decision from the start. I know I'm serious in this relationship, and we both know we can last. This may sound stupid but we actually plan to get married in the future. But sometimes, I just can't help but think to myself, 'what if we didn't get together? Would my studies be much better then? Would I be coping now, instead of struggling to keep my head afloat among all these mountainous piles of undone work?' honestly I don't know. I love him dearly, don't get me mistaken, but I guess I just don't know how to manage my time well. I'm still learning though. It's scary how much people can change in JC. One moment you think that primary school friend of your's is really nice and caring and stuff, and the next minute she could turn her back on you. JC is when true colours really start showing, and it's hella scary. People you thought you knew, changing colours right before your eyes. WOW, an eye-opener, really.On the bright side, I guess it's a good thing because you get to see who your true friends are. I found mine, and I'm thankful for that :) It's 10:30pm, time to do my homework that's due tmr. Goodnight! NOMNOM

UPDATE!

I actually have no idea what to post about. Life's been pretty boring now that I'm still waiting for school to start, which it will on 1st Feb. In the meantime...

I've been bowling A LOT recently. Especially now with my involvement in the Elite team, my passion for Bowling sorta came back. I used to be confused, with no sense of direction as to where I want to end up in in Bowling. I never really thought of it, until Coach D asked me if I ever wondered why I was selected to go to Hong Kong to compete in HK Open Championships back in 2012. Then I found out that the reason why I was selected to go compete, was because Coach D handpicked me. I was so damn shocked, because all this time I've been working with Coach A and not Coach D. I was quite surprised that he actually still remembered the way I bowl. It really served as a huge motivation for me. Thereafter he asked me to think about my direction/aim in Bowling. Where I wna end up at etc and he will plan for me. 

Afterwards Coach A came and talk to me. He told me that he had to fight for me to get into the Elite team because some coaches had doubts as to whether or not I am committed enough, and also because I seem like I have no direction, no aim, no goals in Bowling. Like I'm just bowling for the sake of bowling. 

This Elite team thingy gave me huge motivation to strive further in my Bowling, but I guess once the excitement wears off, I'll be hella tired. The commitment is like no other, and I have to put in long hours hard at work, both on lane and off lane. Coupled with my Junior College workload, I honestly have no idea how will I be able to cope. sigh, I dont wanna think about it. I just hope I can cope. I'll see how things turn out as they come. 


Having super lot of mixed feelings now... with Junior College starting soon and my holidays ending. Even though I'm pretty excited about JC starting soon, it's saddening to know that I won't be able to bump into my BFFs in school anymore now that our ways parted..

Nicholas, I hope you'll have fun in NYJC! and please meet up with me to study for promos etc. I know we promised each other we will never ever forget each other, I'm really afraid I will drift away from you ): I love you!

Shar, have fun in poly alright! (which i think you will). you scored a single digit pointr for O's and you would rather go poly... -sigh- haha but if that's what you truly want, I'll support you wholeheartedly! We won't be in the same tuition anymore now that you're going poly instead ): No more things in common ): Promise me we will still meet up often to study + play? (: I love you! 

Time now is 2:18am. I'd better go sleep soon, I've still got Elite team training early tmr morning. 

On a lighter note, piggy will be coming down to the alley tmr. I'm pretty excited to see him :D 

GOODNIGHT! XOXO, NOM NOM

MERRY CHRISTMAS (and a little food for thought)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

So yeah, basically this is what I'll be writing about today. 

This quote means a lot to me, because I'm always overthinking and easily affected by what people say, and some people can say really nasty things to hurt me.

For the past few days, I've been pretty emo, thinking about a lot of stuff. stuff too personal to be written and posted here.

Y'know that kind of sadness and loneliness that just engulfs you whole and leave you feeling empty? (and no, loneliness does not equate to being desperate). And I was surfing the net when I came across this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. It sort of ignited something in me, and that was when I realised how deep this quote is. 

I always felt that I was fat. No, not the overly obese kind, but fat. Like, thunderous thighs, huge arms, chubby face. But then again, society is the one who depicts that skinny = beautiful eh? Sometimes I'll wonder how will things turn out for me instead if I was born during the Tang dynasty or something. (I chose Tang here because I haven't got the slightest clue on China's history, and Tang was the first dynasty to pop up in my mind). I know in the past in China, fat = beautiful and proof that you're wealthy, and well fed. How great would it be if things could be like that again. Then there will be less cases of girls becoming anorexic just to slim down isn't it? 

However, if that's the case, then people will want to eat more to become fat. Which will lead to health problems (etc etc), so people will want to slim down again, which brings me back to square one. 

But then, I realised, It's best to keep fit. Like, even if you're a little big because of your muscles, it's okay isn't it? Because you're fit, you're healthy. Some people may be crazily skinny, but they're unhealthy. And what good will that do to you? 

"He sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health" ( The Dalai Lama)

So to sum it up, it's still best to stay fit eh? In a way, it's like, you're your own author. You live for yourself, not to please others. If other people say that you're fat, but you don't think you are, then screw what they say. Everyone's definition of beauty is different, and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder isn't it? 

Another thing I have to live with is judgements, especially first impressions. 

I've got friends who have very bad first impressions of me. Apparently, I've got 'the bitch face' (which I don't deny). I look unfriendly and dao. But that's because if I don't know you, why the hell would I smile at you for no reason? Plus, if I don't like you, I won't smile at you either, because I'm not a fakeass bitch. However, I won't go around and bitch about you either, because you didn't do anything directed at me/to hurt me. So what good will it do for me to bitch about you? Plus, it only reflects badly on me, showing what a shallow person I am if I do.  

So yeah basically, just ignore what other's say. But don't live in denial either. There's that thin line between self-confidence and arrogance. 

On a lighter note, IT'S CHRISTMAS!! It's just another day for me because I don't celebrate Christmas, I'm a Taoist!! :D and yeah I'm pretty proud of my religion ^^ 

Oh, and CJ just told me he blogged about my blog. AWWW thanks CJ! heehee! although it's only like a few lines lah but it means a lot to me! That someone actually reads this shit hahaha!! 

Originally I started this blog so that I can have my personal ranting channel where very little people know about it. But then again I can never trust the internet too much. Soooo it's become more of a blog for me to blog about anything under the sun, or something for me to do when I'm bored. (can you imagine talking to yourself? Blogging's really like talking to yourself. you type stuff and if no one reads it except you you're pretty much considered talking to yourself. LOL)

Okay anyway, I shall end here. Nothing much to blog about actually. Just wanted to give a shoutout to CJ haha thanks for including me in your blog post and that you're a really great friend! CJ is the kind of friend I am extremely extremely glad to have in my life. I feel honoured, and blessed! (Must have done something really good in my past life to have him as my friend!) for those who don't know, CJ sits behind me in class during my secondary 4 year, and the jokes he  cracks are... lame. but they're funny as well! and he's like super knowledgeable, so anything I dont know, be it school stuff or worldwide news, I can always count on him to share his knowledge with me hehehe:P 

btw, CJ's blog is www.singzeon.blogspot.sg  GO CHECK IT OUT!

so yeah that's all for now, gotta go out for dinner.

Once again, I wish everyone who's reading this now a 

VERY BLESSED AND MERRY  

CHRISTMAS!!!


XOXO, NOM NOM. 

When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed. 
-Lyanla Vanzant

If that really is the case, then no, I'm not healed. I'm not healed because of the way things ended. You once said to me that "Ohana means family. and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

What happened to our 'family' now? Have you forgotten about us? 

After so long, I finally admit that I'm not over us. What we had was special. 4 years of friendship. We were as close as soul mates  We trusted each other with every tiny little secret, secrets that no one else know about. And yet look at us now. What happened?

I'm tired. I really am. I'm always the one here trying to keep the conversation going between us. The whatsapp convo. I FUCKING POURED MY HEART OUT TO YOU, hoping you will get the hint and at least start doing something about it. But no, instead, you accuse me of hinting that I wanted you to leave her, your other mei.

Honestly, did you really think I thought of that? That thought never once occurred to me at all. NOT ONCE. to think that you even thought I would think of that, was just atrocious, simply absurd. 

All I ever wanted was for us to be as close as we were before. To be close again. For you to want to spend more time with me, and not always her. Yeah, I'm jealous. But what difference does it make now?

You said that I value my pride more than our friendship, but look who's valuing who's pride over this friendship. Just think about it. Think. You're not always absolved of the blame, bro. 

Everyone' at fault, just not you, eh?

I'm done trying. I really am. For now, I'm just going on it. Work on being able to repeat the story, without bringing up any pain. To know that I have healed.

White

Okay so here's my second post.
I thought this post shall be a rant due to some events that have happened recently.
JUDGMENTS AND ACCUSATIONS

Okay so basically, I don't get how you can bitch / bad mouth about someone who you don't even know. Worst still, she doesn't even know you exist!
So the story goes like this : There's this girl from this JC (I'm not gonna name names) who apparently knew I was from Agape Bowling Academy. So she asked my friend, who is her junior and from the same JC if she knew me. After which she said something along the lines of 'She's very slut right?'
BITCH PLEASE!
1) I don't even know you exist, and you call me a slut?
2) I don't remember ever coming into contact with you before, be it conversations or bodily contact, and you call me a slut?
3) I do not remember, and nor will I ever do anything that disrespects myself, and you call me a slut?
4) I am a person who believes in sex after marriage. No pre-marital sex at all. and yeah, you call me a slut.
5) My dressing is pretty conservative, never revealing. And you call me a slut.

but what's worst is, I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW YOU EXIST!!! AND YOU CALL ME A SLUT?!

seriously bitch!

but anyway, i heard a lot of bad stuff about her anyway. Like she being a bitch, causing dramas and stuff.
Seriously, you're already 17 years old. I expected better of you simply from your age. And yet you proved me wrong.

This incident bothered me for a while because I kept reflecting on myself and wondering what did I ever do to deserve such a baseless accusation. But then after much consoling and advice from my friends, I realised that it really wasn't worth wasting my time on such a person. It just isn't worth it. As long as I can account to myself, I'm pretty much fine. She can go ahead and judge me for all I care.

oh, and to that bitch : GO FUCK YOURSELF.

HAVE A NICE DAY

BLACK

HI EVERYONE.
Okay so i created a blog on blogspot because stupid YIMEI made me. HAHA
(aww just kidding Yimei! You know I still love you (; )

Okay since I don't know what to blog about, I'll start with this week. 

MONDAY
okay I think i stayed home on monday? I dyed my hair on sunday and I couldn't wash it so i decided not to go out because I will HAVE TO WASH MY HAIR if i went out. 

TUESDAY
which was yesterday! Met Ellis in the morning, we went down to OCC and supported some of the bowlers bowling Nationals. Quite boring I think, I always feel that bowling is more fun if we just bowl and not watch others. but ah well, since I'm not bowling nationals anyway I just went down. Met Dylan afterwards at Tampines Mall and the three of us chatted all the way until 11 plus at night, oh plus we did eat dinner. Camped at Wendy's! Walked Dylan to the mrt station when the announcement came up : "The last train to Joo Koon has just departed. There are no more train services at this station" HAHA Dylan has bad luck man. He took bus in the end though. 

went home but i couldn't sleep so the three of us chatted on whatsapp! Sean was supposed to come find me at 3am, but then it was cancelled because STUPID NICHOLAS DIDN'T WANT TO COME ALONG AS WELL ):

WEDNESDAY
WHICH IS TODAY!
Got to go for TJC training at safra tamp from 4-6, afterwards I got to join my clique mates at Katong. WITH 4 BOWING BALLS UGH.

SPEAKING OF BOWLING, I went with family to bowl on sunday. until today, MY ENTIRE LEG HURTS LIKE CRAP. This is what happens when you do not bowl for 4 months and did not warm up before bowling ): 

okay shall end here since I don't know what to post about. 


oh, and hello Yimei! I know you're reading this heehee LOVE YOU MUACKS <3