MERRY CHRISTMAS (and a little food for thought)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

So yeah, basically this is what I'll be writing about today. 

This quote means a lot to me, because I'm always overthinking and easily affected by what people say, and some people can say really nasty things to hurt me.

For the past few days, I've been pretty emo, thinking about a lot of stuff. stuff too personal to be written and posted here.

Y'know that kind of sadness and loneliness that just engulfs you whole and leave you feeling empty? (and no, loneliness does not equate to being desperate). And I was surfing the net when I came across this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. It sort of ignited something in me, and that was when I realised how deep this quote is. 

I always felt that I was fat. No, not the overly obese kind, but fat. Like, thunderous thighs, huge arms, chubby face. But then again, society is the one who depicts that skinny = beautiful eh? Sometimes I'll wonder how will things turn out for me instead if I was born during the Tang dynasty or something. (I chose Tang here because I haven't got the slightest clue on China's history, and Tang was the first dynasty to pop up in my mind). I know in the past in China, fat = beautiful and proof that you're wealthy, and well fed. How great would it be if things could be like that again. Then there will be less cases of girls becoming anorexic just to slim down isn't it? 

However, if that's the case, then people will want to eat more to become fat. Which will lead to health problems (etc etc), so people will want to slim down again, which brings me back to square one. 

But then, I realised, It's best to keep fit. Like, even if you're a little big because of your muscles, it's okay isn't it? Because you're fit, you're healthy. Some people may be crazily skinny, but they're unhealthy. And what good will that do to you? 

"He sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health" ( The Dalai Lama)

So to sum it up, it's still best to stay fit eh? In a way, it's like, you're your own author. You live for yourself, not to please others. If other people say that you're fat, but you don't think you are, then screw what they say. Everyone's definition of beauty is different, and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder isn't it? 

Another thing I have to live with is judgements, especially first impressions. 

I've got friends who have very bad first impressions of me. Apparently, I've got 'the bitch face' (which I don't deny). I look unfriendly and dao. But that's because if I don't know you, why the hell would I smile at you for no reason? Plus, if I don't like you, I won't smile at you either, because I'm not a fakeass bitch. However, I won't go around and bitch about you either, because you didn't do anything directed at me/to hurt me. So what good will it do for me to bitch about you? Plus, it only reflects badly on me, showing what a shallow person I am if I do.  

So yeah basically, just ignore what other's say. But don't live in denial either. There's that thin line between self-confidence and arrogance. 

On a lighter note, IT'S CHRISTMAS!! It's just another day for me because I don't celebrate Christmas, I'm a Taoist!! :D and yeah I'm pretty proud of my religion ^^ 

Oh, and CJ just told me he blogged about my blog. AWWW thanks CJ! heehee! although it's only like a few lines lah but it means a lot to me! That someone actually reads this shit hahaha!! 

Originally I started this blog so that I can have my personal ranting channel where very little people know about it. But then again I can never trust the internet too much. Soooo it's become more of a blog for me to blog about anything under the sun, or something for me to do when I'm bored. (can you imagine talking to yourself? Blogging's really like talking to yourself. you type stuff and if no one reads it except you you're pretty much considered talking to yourself. LOL)

Okay anyway, I shall end here. Nothing much to blog about actually. Just wanted to give a shoutout to CJ haha thanks for including me in your blog post and that you're a really great friend! CJ is the kind of friend I am extremely extremely glad to have in my life. I feel honoured, and blessed! (Must have done something really good in my past life to have him as my friend!) for those who don't know, CJ sits behind me in class during my secondary 4 year, and the jokes he  cracks are... lame. but they're funny as well! and he's like super knowledgeable, so anything I dont know, be it school stuff or worldwide news, I can always count on him to share his knowledge with me hehehe:P 

btw, CJ's blog is www.singzeon.blogspot.sg  GO CHECK IT OUT!

so yeah that's all for now, gotta go out for dinner.

Once again, I wish everyone who's reading this now a 

VERY BLESSED AND MERRY  

CHRISTMAS!!!


XOXO, NOM NOM. 

When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed. 
-Lyanla Vanzant

If that really is the case, then no, I'm not healed. I'm not healed because of the way things ended. You once said to me that "Ohana means family. and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

What happened to our 'family' now? Have you forgotten about us? 

After so long, I finally admit that I'm not over us. What we had was special. 4 years of friendship. We were as close as soul mates  We trusted each other with every tiny little secret, secrets that no one else know about. And yet look at us now. What happened?

I'm tired. I really am. I'm always the one here trying to keep the conversation going between us. The whatsapp convo. I FUCKING POURED MY HEART OUT TO YOU, hoping you will get the hint and at least start doing something about it. But no, instead, you accuse me of hinting that I wanted you to leave her, your other mei.

Honestly, did you really think I thought of that? That thought never once occurred to me at all. NOT ONCE. to think that you even thought I would think of that, was just atrocious, simply absurd. 

All I ever wanted was for us to be as close as we were before. To be close again. For you to want to spend more time with me, and not always her. Yeah, I'm jealous. But what difference does it make now?

You said that I value my pride more than our friendship, but look who's valuing who's pride over this friendship. Just think about it. Think. You're not always absolved of the blame, bro. 

Everyone' at fault, just not you, eh?

I'm done trying. I really am. For now, I'm just going on it. Work on being able to repeat the story, without bringing up any pain. To know that I have healed.